"Break the law at least once a week. It’s good for you."
"You can use post-it notes and Lysol as deodorant pads on those days of need at the office."
"Stop arguing the obvious."
"You can gain an easy two extra hours of free time a day if you stop caring what other people think."
"There’s more to life besides being good. Being bad, for instance, is a totally new experience. Try it."
"Clean up your act by the end of December. Christmas alone is a miserable experience."
"…Because, Officer; I wanted to."
"It’s perfectly acceptable to steal the shopping cart of another; they weren’t paying enough attention anyway. Rifle through their pockets only if skilled and willing."
"You’re running out of time. Do something drastic. Or wait till tomorrow. What’s the rush?"
"The inclination toward problematic drinking in the mornings can be easily solved by sleeping in longer."
